The tambrahm guide to finding a spouse

Unlike in the western countries in India we believe in the concept of an arranged marriage. This means that your parents will go around looking for someone they think is a suitable life partner for you. This is the concept pretty much throughout India, but there are some things very different that go on in a tambrahm house…

after a lot of difficulty and research i have finally managed to find the secret algorithm that is used to find the perfect life partner.I have decided that it is now time to share this secret with the world so that everyone may benefit. ( I shall reveal the algo for finding a girl in my next post, this one shall concentrate on finding that perfect guy).

So tambrahm parents of today here you go!

ALGORITHM:

  1. Call your daughter to give the talk about how getting married is important bla bla
  2. convince her its time she get married
  3. if daughter agrees
    go to step 4
    else
    you now have to do two things at once,one starts at step 1 and the other is continuing with step 4
  4. Call every one you know on the pretext of saying hello… its been ages “romba naal aachu… chumma thaan” this has to be realistic… And after an hour long tele con
    “mama / mami ongluku ethaa nalla varan therinchithu naa konjam sollungo, namba _____ ku paakalaan thaan”
    (if you happen to get the details of a good boy please let me know, looking for a guy for our __daughters-name-here__
  5. That step 4 is very important it calls of an external command which sends a chain of people calling each other… The thing is everyone wants to have to say at the marriage, did u know i am the person who put these people in touch.
  6. If you are slightly modern, and want to use this to your advantage now might be a good time to put up a profile on all the million matrimony sites out there.
  7. To pass time ensure that you look through every guy on these sites and find something wrong, this could range from height, gothram,vedam, star, moonji serila, avan US-la irukkan, epdi photo eduthirkaan paaru, and the most common “ivla thaan padichirkaan,”
  8. Meanwhile the step you took at no 4 will bring some varan from some mama/mami you have never heard of in your life.
    “pattu maami oda athay payan oda payan” “ambi chithappa oda veetla kudirkaravar oda payan”
  9. whatever the relation , your reaction should show awe as if you know them, “oh avaraa” … never the more sane I’m not sure I know him
  10. now call up to get the info.
  11. Here are some things you ought to ask for while getting the info
    • gothram
    • jaathagam (enowadays exchanged by email… naangalaam modern… we dont believe in age old methods)
    • if iyengar (thenkalai vadakalai)
    • what the boy is doing
    • star
    • where he works (you might not have ever heard of the company but make sure you pose as if you know it)
    • post
    • samblam (salary… if u dont feel shy asking)
  12. tell them you’ll get back if the jaathagam matches.
    here are some straight of rules to eliminate 99 of the 100 ppl you get in touch with ,

    • the gothrams cant be the same,
    • ┬áthe jaathagams have to match,
    • the stars should be ok together,
    • the thenkalai/vadakalai should be the same…
    • there are about another 23 more things but we should start giving up all these superstitious things… so ill cut out the rest
  13. now of the 1 in the 100 which matched you approach your daughter… kanna what do you think of this boy (you should have re convinced your daughter by this point again)
    in 99% of the cases

    • she asks you enna maa/paa paakara, ivan verum masters thaan panirkaan MBA kooda illa (hes only done a masters no MBA?) or some reason she doesnt like the boy,
    • hes not tall enough
    • he doesnt look good
    • hes not fun enough
    • hes ____ endless list
    • goto step 14

    and that 1% if she says ok

    • goto step 15
  14. go back to step 1…. try try try till you succeed
  15. YOU won!!! appaadi… now the various steps to fix the marriage and move on …(will describe this later)

NOTE: This is correct to the best of my knowledge. further improvisations shall be added as i figure out more secrets of the trade

  • If you want to get your daughter married when shes 28, start step one when shes around 24. You will reach success only around the 15th iteration… Everyone knows the early bird gets the worm
  • After years of watching my mom talking on the phone getting a million varans and passing them on to eager parents, this is as much as I have gleaned.

please share your knowledge using comments

Update : (with the knowledgeable advice of Siddharth Krishnan )

  • The more modern families are ok with an iyeR or an iyengar … you see we HAVE to progress… intha maari chinna chinnathalaan paaka koodaathu
  • the tamil translation of the “chekka chavelnu irukkan ” would be “he has Wheatish Complexion”
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