The tambrahm guide to finding a spouse

Unlike in the western countries in India we believe in the concept of an arranged marriage. This means that your parents will go around looking for someone they think is a suitable life partner for you. This is the concept pretty much throughout India, but there are some things very different that go on in a tambrahm house…

after a lot of difficulty and research i have finally managed to find the secret algorithm that is used to find the perfect life partner.I have decided that it is now time to share this secret with the world so that everyone may benefit. ( I shall reveal the algo for finding a girl in my next post, this one shall concentrate on finding that perfect guy).

So tambrahm parents of today here you go!

ALGORITHM:

  1. Call your daughter to give the talk about how getting married is important bla bla
  2. convince her its time she get married
  3. if daughter agrees
    go to step 4
    else
    you now have to do two things at once,one starts at step 1 and the other is continuing with step 4
  4. Call every one you know on the pretext of saying hello… its been ages “romba naal aachu… chumma thaan” this has to be realistic… And after an hour long tele con
    “mama / mami ongluku ethaa nalla varan therinchithu naa konjam sollungo, namba _____ ku paakalaan thaan”
    (if you happen to get the details of a good boy please let me know, looking for a guy for our __daughters-name-here__
  5. That step 4 is very important it calls of an external command which sends a chain of people calling each other… The thing is everyone wants to have to say at the marriage, did u know i am the person who put these people in touch.
  6. If you are slightly modern, and want to use this to your advantage now might be a good time to put up a profile on all the million matrimony sites out there.
  7. To pass time ensure that you look through every guy on these sites and find something wrong, this could range from height, gothram,vedam, star, moonji serila, avan US-la irukkan, epdi photo eduthirkaan paaru, and the most common “ivla thaan padichirkaan,”
  8. Meanwhile the step you took at no 4 will bring some varan from some mama/mami you have never heard of in your life.
    “pattu maami oda athay payan oda payan” “ambi chithappa oda veetla kudirkaravar oda payan”
  9. whatever the relation , your reaction should show awe as if you know them, “oh avaraa” … never the more sane I’m not sure I know him
  10. now call up to get the info.
  11. Here are some things you ought to ask for while getting the info
    • gothram
    • jaathagam (enowadays exchanged by email… naangalaam modern… we dont believe in age old methods)
    • if iyengar (thenkalai vadakalai)
    • what the boy is doing
    • star
    • where he works (you might not have ever heard of the company but make sure you pose as if you know it)
    • post
    • samblam (salary… if u dont feel shy asking)
  12. tell them you’ll get back if the jaathagam matches.
    here are some straight of rules to eliminate 99 of the 100 ppl you get in touch with ,

    • the gothrams cant be the same,
    •  the jaathagams have to match,
    • the stars should be ok together,
    • the thenkalai/vadakalai should be the same…
    • there are about another 23 more things but we should start giving up all these superstitious things… so ill cut out the rest
  13. now of the 1 in the 100 which matched you approach your daughter… kanna what do you think of this boy (you should have re convinced your daughter by this point again)
    in 99% of the cases

    • she asks you enna maa/paa paakara, ivan verum masters thaan panirkaan MBA kooda illa (hes only done a masters no MBA?) or some reason she doesnt like the boy,
    • hes not tall enough
    • he doesnt look good
    • hes not fun enough
    • hes ____ endless list
    • goto step 14

    and that 1% if she says ok

    • goto step 15
  14. go back to step 1…. try try try till you succeed
  15. YOU won!!! appaadi… now the various steps to fix the marriage and move on …(will describe this later)

NOTE: This is correct to the best of my knowledge. further improvisations shall be added as i figure out more secrets of the trade

  • If you want to get your daughter married when shes 28, start step one when shes around 24. You will reach success only around the 15th iteration… Everyone knows the early bird gets the worm
  • After years of watching my mom talking on the phone getting a million varans and passing them on to eager parents, this is as much as I have gleaned.

please share your knowledge using comments

Update : (with the knowledgeable advice of Siddharth Krishnan )

  • The more modern families are ok with an iyeR or an iyengar … you see we HAVE to progress… intha maari chinna chinnathalaan paaka koodaathu
  • the tamil translation of the “chekka chavelnu irukkan ” would be “he has Wheatish Complexion”

Firefox 4 Launch Party – Chennai #fx4party

Yes, we just had a Firefox 4 launch party at our college today!!! and a mighty blast it was

Started off as a surprise as all the students gathered there were told it was a seminar … Oh the look on their sad faces when they were told they had to listen to another lecture was priceless…  (and a sample below below) … and yes one kid slept off just as he sat down !!!

When he heard it was a lecture he was asleep in a jiffy

First question I managed to blurt out… why do you think you are here… one smart kid who had seen some Firefox banner on the notice board managed to guess it was a launch party… To get some interest we immediately rewarded him with a FF bag, a few badges and an armband!!! Bang… everyone was awake!!!

Though a huge part of the crowd seemed to know firefox, not many of them had yet started using FF 4 … we played the videos straight of the site… quite a bit of fun to watch ppl wowwing and the very same features i take for granted ( What would i do without firefox ?)

Jus for fun, i quickly stripped the wall of all firefox posters, handed out papers to everybody and the person with the best likeness of the firefox logos got a bag… while that went some techies pitted their minds against our FF quiz… surprisingly one of them even managed to answer my question about “the book of mozilla” (mental note to self : make questions harder next time)

Before the first batch of attendees was sent away we got em to screen “Firefox 4” … I think I’m half deaf now 😦

Screaming FF 4

It would have been fun to see the other off stage competitions we had but i was stuck helping out with the quiz!!!

We Finally ended up distributing the swag (so kindly sent to us by the Mozilla foundation) … The funniest part was when the kids who attended the launch went about getting the students who had classes all riled up!!!

Then some total off stage work like “firefoxing” our entire lab… and fotos with our HOD and professors… All in all an amazing event…

Note : some fotos are in this post… will be posting some on flickr with the tag #fx4party … and the fotos with other ppl will follow as soon as i get them!!!

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Rules to drive in Chennai!!

Driving in Chennai(or anywhere in India), as everybody knows is not the same as driving anywhere else in the world… There are certain things any person driving in here ought to know… So to help out newbie drivers in Chennai I am going to write a set of rules and prerequisites to drive here…

Requirements:

  • A license may not be necessary if you have enough cash to bribe the police guy( popularly called as “Mama” by the youth)
  • A limited knowledge of Tamil… YES i mean the SWEAR words… trust me you feel much better cursing in language the other person understands
  • A sound device which starts playing the ‘airtel song’,’vaseegara’ or ‘every night from titanic’ when u shift to the reverse gear!!! (Strictly no other songs entertained)
  • and of course patience!!!

Ok the requirements are probably very easy to fulfill, lets now get down to the rules. Not too hard either, its  just a question of knowing what to do when!

Rules

-> Unlike other countries, it is much better to ensure the driver doesnt wear a seat belt so that it is easier for him to turn and scream at anybody(we’ll get to that later)

->One hand constantly on the horn. Be sure to honk every 90 seconds or so. Whether you’re at a signal or not,  or rather wherever you are just honk at fixed regular intervals. Make sure u honk whenever some one does something stupid as well!!!

This is where your patience and honking skills come to use!

This is where your patience and honking skills come to use!

-> If you think you can play a song while honking, go ahead you might as well entertain the pedestrians

-> Whenever you are at a signal be ready to give a big smile to the random people in other cars who stare at you. Chennai is a very friendly place, you smile at every random stranger you see

-> Just as you turn to the left or right at the signal some asinine d#!@ @$$ will cut across. Take a quick look to see if its some huge burly guy(it will most probably be the same stranger you smiled at while waiting at the signal), if its not, now’s the time your Tamil comes to use, lower the window and curse away ‘$#!T @$%@!$#  !#@$%*#@#!  #$@%’ … REMEMBER : use Tamil, you want the other guy to know what you are saying!

-> When the person who cut across at the signal is a huge looking wrestler kind of guy, it might be wise to keep your windows shut and scream in english all the same!!! Let it out, trust me it keeps the pressure from building.

-> If you happen to see a ‘jaalmudi thalu vandi’ on the road, stop your car and get a packet or two, don’t worry about the cars behind, they’re now going to play music for the pedestrians. Make sure you fumble for a bit while looking for that money.

-> Parking is a whole art in its own here. Its way beyond the scope of this post but I’d be happy to teach anyone who approaches me. But a quick pointer, you can park your car just about anywhere u think it’ll fit. Just make sure that once you park, the people beside you have an arduous task of getting their car out.

Thats something not many people can do!

-> Please don’t stare at the guy with 4 people on the bike. Its rude!!! He has taken pains to arrange his entire family on a vehicle that barely supports 2 people. Furthermore he has even managed to drive it that way! He would be a way better stunt driver than those teams in the “foreign circuses”.

-> Dealing with “mama’s” is yet another art. Obviously ladies have the upper hand on this one. Start of by denying knowledge of what you did wrong (wrong direction in a one way, parking in the wrong place). Something on the lines of  “appdiya sir, theriyavae illa, anga boardey illa sir, sorry sir, therippi pannamaaten” (is, that so sir, I had no clue,I’m sorry, I wont repeat it) and repeat the “sorry sir, therippi pannamaaten” bit for quite some time. Of course the ladies could just feign a few tears and sort the issue out much easier. EASIEST method of them all, IF you have the moolah, bribe him. Not directly but more on the lines of, “sir late aaidchu, onglukittu fina Kattitu pota?” (I am late, may I pay the “fine” to you and leave?)

-> When u find that you can’t take a U-Turn at a particular place and that it will save you a LOT of time. Follow the following algorithm

->Stop

->look on all sides for a mama

-> if (mama==not found)
{
make the U turn. don’t bother about the cursing from other drivers… “It’s all in the game”
}

-> else
{
Check purse for cash and willingness to pay, if ready make the turn bribe the mama and be on your way

Else go the long route!
}

-> Lastly while you do all this, remember to keep honking at regular intervals. We wouldn’t want to reduce the noise pollution now would we?

You now know the basics of driving in Chennai. Keep watching this blog for more tips and tricks and how to go about getting there quicker!

If anyone else has any rules please post them as comments. Lets help each other out!

Schedule your mails on Gmail with Boomerang

How many times have you wanted to send a mail at 12:00 to wish some one for their birthday/anniversary or even schedule remainders for yourself… Some try to do the job by remembering it till necessary while others use some sort of scheduler… But here is a scheduler which works like a charm and can bet set up with a few clicks

Boomerang for GMail allows you to just that.As the name suggests it supports only GMail for now and is installed as an addon for chrome or Firefox.(IE users walk away with nothing, but its about time they started using a real browser anyway)

Now you can schedule yourself remainders, birthday greetings and various other things you can think of. Some people are even going to the extent of using it to communicate at proper times on different time zones.

Get Boomerang for Gmail here. Read more here

Facebook’s Project Titan Revealed

After months of speculation facebook announced their secret project titan…

Disappointed, the “gmail killer” was a complete rumor… yes everyone will eventually get username@facebook.com(if you want). Zuckerburg says the idea is to create a seamless messaging system fir people to communicate… Whether people use laptop, phones, PDAs they’ll be able to view their messages in a nice organized format.

The funny thing though is Bosworth says its going to be modelled after a chat… wait a second… yes thats exactly what facebook are good at .. CHAT (yes thats right sarcasm intended). users have been complaining on end to get the eb based chat system fb has fixed, and not a step has been taken but yes titan is now going to try set up this unfinished code for various platforms… way to go facebook you really seem to be doing amazing things.

Getting back, the project will eventually kick of via invites only so you’ll have to wait to get yours! Looks like facebook has picked up on google’s cheat code to generating a hype (gmail to wave)!!! yes wave was a complete letdown but the hype was enormous!!! For whatever it is work if u haven’t managed to get the username u want on gmail or yahoo now is prolly a good time to set your username on facebook (account -> account settings)

Read more at the huffington post

Endhiran – from my perspective

Living in Chennai, I seem to be in the middle of it all, TV sets, news channels, radio channels, news papers and pretty much everybody seems to be talking about endhiran!

It’s a given that almost any movie Rajni makes today is a huge hit, despite the rest of the cast!!! And so I decided to listen to the songs and watch the trailers to see what all the hype was about!

I came across a lot of factors which made this movie unique, like the budget, the cast, the director, the graphics studio, but one thing in the trailers caught my attention!!! Each and every scene reminds me of some movie or the other… and this is apparently what Director Shankar terms as “unique” , “new” and one of a kind.”

First the Huge snake thing (made of many rajni robots) seems to look like a mix between an idea from anaconda and the snake from king kong with a small change that it is made of metal…

Then the scene where rajni pulls out loads of guns, for some reason reminds me of that scene in star wars episode 1 with the droid robots which roll around with their guns shooting in all random directions!!!

Rajni in Endhrian

Rajni in a still from Endhiran

But by far the best, from the trailer one can’t help but notice that robot rajni turns evil when one card is removed and swapped for another… where have i seen that before… totally new??? Guess again, kids would be familiar with Disney’s Inspector Gadget… Inspector gadget becomes evil when his card is swapped and good again when placed with the normal one… And by a wild shot I’m pretty much sure this concept is in use here in a slightly modified way!!!

Also the smaller things like the bullet shooting out of the robot’s finger, again a modified version of the cigarette lighter trick from inspector gadget..

And all this before the movie releases, wonder how many other copied scenes we are to find after we actually watch the movie!!!

All that apart tho, rajni does have his share of “oomph”. Ask any kid who is  8 years old, or even my grandfather who is 85, everyone seems to watch in awe as this guy takes the stage…

And some of us wonder why his movies run in spite of the total lack of sense in them, especially the gross violation of physics!!! Come on we all know that one (Einstein and Newton are prolly crying their hearts out up there)… The reason they run is because of the sheer number of his fans.

Taking Chennai alone as a sample can show one the magnitude of this number… Endhiran releases this Friday and so far all theaters and cineplexes are showing nothing but endhiran for almost a week. Mayajaal has 60 shows a day for a week, and sathyam is running up to 35 shows a day!!! Not one show during this next week can one watch any other movie…

And to make matters even better, his fans (including those who struggle to get 3 square meals a day) are willing to shell up to 20 times the ticket prices to watch the film…

So all this given its almost impossible for the movie to fail in spite of its huge budget!!!

Lets wait and watch to see what magic Rajni has woven this time!!!

The Medical Room.

BASED ON TRUE EXPERIENCES.

“Ouch,” I exclaimed.

“Oh my God! I am so damn sorry…I mean I didn’t know I would hurt you or something!,”Raagini kept saying.

“Okay! Stop! It is okay.”

“Can I take you to the medical room or something?”

“Or something! I can go by myself, thank you.Atleast you saved my legs.”

She frowned. Okay so I’d hurt her feelings. But it was all her fault. Nobody asked her to throw the ball at me when I told her that I wasn’t going to catch it.I fell down and I’d hit myself in the head and I’d hurt my hands badly. A lot of blood was pouring out! I walked slowly to the medical room. I could feel Raagini’s gaze behind my back.

I knocked twice at the door.

“Come in!” said a stern voice.

“Good morning ma’am.”

“What are you here for? Can’t you see I am busy?”

She’s got to be kidding me. She was on her laptop and she had ear phones plugged to her ears.

“I’d hurt my self during P.E.I was wondering if you could just do your thing.”

“All right!” she sighed.”Meha!” she called out.

Meha entered the main room. She wasn’t happy to see me.

“Sit down there.” I sat down on the couch.

The lady who I first saw,came towards me and gave me “Vicks”.

“Umm…Ma’am.I’ve hurt my self. I don’t have a cold or something.”

“Are you teaching me what to do?”

“No I was just telling…”

“Shh! Okay wait here.”

Meha came back with an album in her hands.

“Remember these, Anjali? The marriage photos.”

“Oh yeah!”Anjali said.

They were looking at the album for 3 minutes. And then I got irritated. Blood was pouring out and they were looking at their memories!

“Ma’am, my hand and my head?”

“I know! I was going to come,”Anjali screamed.

Meha went into the store-room while Anjali looked at the album some more. Meha reappeared with a wet towel.

Anjali went to her. They were whispering. But I could hear each detail. They had to improve their whispering skills.

“Meha! Wet towel! Her skin may peel off.”

“I know but so what? Who cares?”

“Okay yeah you are right.”

“Umm…I heard what you said. I cannot allow you to do that!” I exclaimed.

They looked at each other.

“We weren’t going to do that anyways,”Meha said nervously.

They went into the store-room and got the things which were right.Anjali came closer and put that spray thing on my hand.OW OW OW!

It’s burning.Ahh! Finally it is better. They gave an icepack for my head and pushed me towards the door.The bell just rang.

“Go,Go to class!” Meha and Anjali said in unison.

“How do you feel?”Raagini asked as soon as I’d reached outside. She must have been waiting for me. I wanted to describe my horrid experience in detail.But I decided to play the good girl.

“Super!” I said.