Vallavan- a rant

NOTE: This blog-post contains spoilers. It is about Vallavan and will put you off watching the film. If you continue reading, you will be convinced of how important this is.

This is more a blog-post to get something off my chest than to inform (considering the topic’s probably slightly old). So, in essence, a rant. Sorry about that, but this is too useful a platform to not use. 😀

Basically, the problem started when we decided to watch this film called ‘Vallavan”. As a family, we aren’t huge Simbu fans, for quite obvious reasons really, summed up by this quote from somewhere ( 😉 ) “The man is so twisted backwards that he could actually jump up his own arse and die.” Well, so, really, that was clue number 1 that we shouldn’t watch the film.

And number 2 was as easy to spot: the movie was given away free with another one. Now, call me stupid but I’m guessing people don’t do that if the film is selling like hot potatoes (or pizzas, to make the idiom current).

And number 3 was easy too, if you think about it. The song ‘Loosu penne’ was a huge give-away. Any song with the poetic lines ‘bedroom-fan-um keezhe vandu enne ezhupputhe’ is a glaring clue.

So, failure to heed these prophetic hints lead us down the path of doom (in simple terms, we watched the (god-cursed) film).

And what a film it was. Before I start enumerating its faults, I shall say this for the movie: it was useful watching it in the sense that all movies in the future will be judged by its standard of poorness. It has redefined ‘bad’. And ‘torture’ too, come to think of it.

So, now for the faults (visualize me rubbing my hands in anticipation at this point: this is my only way of revenging myself on the film).

  1. It was illogical, by any standards. Not just a few logical flaws that you’d grant any film really, but the inconsistency was so prevalent that there came a point where there wasn’t anything left to be consistent with! ‘Weirdly disconnected events’, as my brother would say. Apparently, the hero is initially a doormat made of pure gold (a good thing somehow). And the heroine/villainess is mental. Such a solid foundation for a movie, wouldn’t you say? And the villainess is a talented hit woman plus mimicry artist. At this stage, you can’t decide if you want to wipe away the tears of blood first, or indulge yourself in some mocking slow-clapping.
  2. It had Simbu in it. Says enough really. In future, we have decided to stop watching any films involving anyone related closely/distantly to the TR family. Not a risk worth taking. Too many bad memories could actually push one over the edge.
  3. Reema Sen is supposed to be 16 for almost half the movie. This was so easy to swallow, like the rest of the movie. Not.
  4. It had Simbu in it.
  5. The climax involves Simbu somehow knowing (telepathy?) that Reema is going to be released from the mental institution and he is there to ‘receive’ her. And apparently, their ‘quarrel’ continues. Though, please God, please, if this is the only wish you can ever grant me, make sure it is off-screen.
  6. It had Simbu in it.
  7. Reema Sen is desperate to enslave Simbu. For starters, it begs the question ‘why?’. Still even if we ignore this fallacy and look beyond that, it is still pretty unlikely that he is going to make up with someone who makes him clear up vomit. Logically speaking (yea, logic did in fact survive this movie and is still alive, though in intensive care), she would pick a different victim, not someone who knew she was mental.
  8. It had Simbu in it.
  9. Don’t get me started on Nayantara and her changing her mind every half an hour, depending on the shape of the teeth of the person speaking to her.
  10. It had Simbu in it.

And the list, would you believe it (I think you would), goes on. Though as most psychiatrists would advise, it is probably not best to dwell on past horrible experiences. Forget and heal.

I have to acknowledge, however, that I feel the need to say, as Reema Sen (repeatedly) says, ‘Onna vidamaatten’. Too much water under the bridge and all that. Maybe we should get Simbu to direct a film involving me, driven mad from watching Vallavan, getting revenge on him, pure-hearted special gift to Planet Earth from God. I hasten to add, that was just a joke. Please, under no circumstances, take me literally. Logic and I will die from such an experiment.

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Ennui

How is it that everything in the world is appealing and fun when you’re revising and once you’re done, so is the fun? I mean, I’ve been home for 4 days and I’ve literally done most of the things on my ‘fun stuff to do when the torture ends’ list..and I thought I was good at keeping myself entertained! It makes you wonder: is work part of the recipe for fun? No high without the lows?

There’s about a million genres of music..how can you be bored with every single one of them? Don’t want to go out, don’t want to doze in the sun, don’t want to watch tv, don’t want to learn anything, don’t want to watch a film, will hog books from the local library but will not read them..ennui is back in town, and it got here with a bang!

Here’s a list of the symptoms  (i’m being true to the medical student-type): boredom, feeling fat (like you’ve had a meal weighing half your body mass which, if you knew me, you’d think was quite possible), feeling frustrated (when you actually feel something other than boredom, that is), wanting to reach out and just pick up that remote but not being quite able to as you lay collapsed on the couch in a comatose state (this is the final stage and requires medical intervention- failure of immediate intervention can lead to loss of will to live)

Medical scientists all over the world are deeply interested in ennui and its complications. Some believe that research into ennui could help answer some fundamental questions about human nature (there are so many bored humans in this world). In an effort to better understand this phenomenon, researchers entrapped a human in the near-fatal comatose state (he couldn’t really defend himself, so it was remarkably easy to achieve this). They proceeded to conduct experiments on him. This involved holding his eye open and trying to poke him in the eye in order to ‘elicit a response’ (in their defence, they were bored themselves). This remarkable ground-breaking experiment established what researchers had suspected for years: the human being relies on intellectual stimulation as much as on water to live.

So, I’m off to try and find some stimulation. I shall first warn my family to call the ambulance if they find me collapsed on the couch for too long, unless they find me asleep, that is.

Winter Sun

hey, all.

I’m Vinaya and this is my first post here. I thought I’d post something I wrote a little while back. The posting’s a consequence of Roopak’s badgering. So, if it ain’t good, you know where to aim those stones 😀

Winter sun

The days are bleak and they are short
With gloom, the skies are fraught.
The clime and time are miserable
Its end isn’t in the future foreseeable.

.

Now, night is preferable to day
Not as washed out, not as faded away.
It’s almost brighter, with rays from the moon
Reaching points the sun couldn’t at noon.

.

She walks along the pavement, chilled to the bone.
Thinking of her warm bed, a soft moan
Of longing escapes her lips and she stalls,
Recovering, she hurries along, her job calls.

.

As she walks, wretched thoughts keep her company,
She dwells on her partner, his infidelity,
She thinks of her work, the monotony,
Her unpaid bills, an evergreen source of anxiety.

.

Her mind is clouded, just like the skies above
And, as she walks, the sun peeps out of the cloud.
She is bathed in light, everything seems to sparkle,
She takes a deep breath, smiles gently and her eyes crinkle.

.

The clouds in her mind part, her sun comes out
Her mind’s winter lights up for a moment, no doubt.
Her soul is touched by light,
Bringing to a glorious end, her night.

.

The winter sun pleases one and all, his charm scarcely lost
On our senses, it melts our hearts’ ice and frost.
The sun, a constant of the universe, reappearing, makes us delight.
How innately simple we are, how endearingly child-like!

.

In a flash of brilliance, born of that surrounding her
She sees the route to happiness, so straightforward, so clear.
And she wonders, “Why have I pursued happiness all this time
Down paths and digressions, hoping against hope to attain it sometime?

.

Unaware of my simplicity, I have tried to buy
Myself happiness in complex ways. Failing, I repeatedly try,
Repeatedly fail, for who can win a game, unaware of the rules?
I have not read the manual, but try to fix the machine, run for tools.

.

The machine’s not broken, the game is still on.
I know the rules now, I am once again born.
This time, I shall let my heart sing and my feet dance,
Knowing that happiness is a state of mind, not of circumstance.

I don’t really like the title. So, if anyone has any suggestions, it’s welcome! Also, do comment! 😀

Blog love

Vinaya